Corbin & Associates, Inc.

Lesson Plan of the Month

(September 1999)

Objectives:

At the conclusion of this class, the student will be able to:

1.    Explain how date rape occurs.

2.    Explain ways to avoid date rape.

3.    Recognize the danger signals presented by a potential rapist.

4.    Describe actions to take if sexual activity is forced upon them.

5.    Discuss actions to be taken if a rape does occur.

Introduction:

1.    Use an icebreaker to get students' attention. Tell joke or relate humorous anecdote.

2.    Introduce yourself and give brief background.

3.    Introduce topic of date rape.

4.    Tell students what you hope to teach them about date rape.

    a) How date rape occurs.

    b) Cause of date rape.

    c) Situations to avoid.

    d) Danger signals to watch for.

    e) Actions to take if someone tries to force them into sex.

    f) Actions to take if they are raped.

Body:

I.    Facts About Date Rape

    A.    Date (or acquaintance) rape is defined as:

        1. Forced, unwanted intercourse with a person you know.

    B. Date rape is:

        1. A violation of your body and your trust.

        2. An act of violence.

        3. Can occur with someone you've just met, dated a few times, or may even be engaged

           to.

        4. Force used can range from threats or tone of voice to physical force or weapons.

    A. Scope of the problem

        1. One out of every three women will be sexually assaulted in her lifetime.

        2. It is estimated that up to 90% of rapes are never reported.

        3. Of reported rapes, 60% knew their assailants.

            a) In one study of adolescent rapes, 92% knew their attacker.

        4. The majority of the victims were women 15 to 25 years old.

II. How Date Rape Occurs

    A. Typically occurs when woman is alone with a man.

        1. Date rape can occur virtually anywhere.

        2. May occur at parties when others are close by.

    B. Alcohol and drugs are often a significant factor.

    C. Mixed signals are another element.

        1. Man interprets friendliness as invitation to sex.

        2. "No" is heard as "maybe" or "yes".

        3. Some man find a woman's struggles to be sexually exciting.

        4. If woman struggles mildly, man may think be is just "persuading," rather than

           forcing her to have sex.

        5. If man and woman are involved in physical contact (e.g. kissing, caressing), man

           may interpret her enjoyment as an invitation to have sex.

            a) If woman then rejects him, man may feel he has been teased, and

               "deserves" to get some satisfaction.

    D. Not all rape is spontaneous.

        1. Some men plan it in advance, even if they have to use force.

            a) They may have been successful in the past.

            b) May target unassertive victims (plain looking, "wallflowers").

            c) Don't view themselves as rapists. Delude themselves into thinking they are

                "just out for a good time."

III. Causes Of Date Rape

    A. Lack of consideration for a woman's rights and wishes.

        1. Often due to traditional roles of males and females in society.

        2. Men are taught:

            a) To be aggressive.

            b) To be competitive.

                1) Don't give up. Keep on trying."

            c) To experiment with their sexuality as part of the masculinity.

                1) Leads to belief that they "have a right to have sex."

        3. Women are taught:

            a) To be passive.

            b) To be dependent.

            c) To be peacemakers and avoid scenes.

            d) To be "lady-like".

                1) They are discouraged from experimenting with their Sexuality.

                    a) "Good girls don't fool around."

        4. Communication problems

            a) Women say "no" when they may actually mean "maybe" or "yes".

                1) Especially if first time, woman doesn't want to give in too

                    quickly, for fear of being viewed as "loose" or "easy".

                2) Men have been taught to turn no into yes.

            b) Sometimes have difficulty knowing when "no" really means "no".

            c) Woman may think she's just being friendly, but date sees it as

                willingness to have sex.

        5. Loosening of sexual standards

            a) with advent of birth control pill, people are sexually active at young ages.

            b) Many men expect sex be given after a few dates.

                1) Women may or may not share this sentiment.

            c) Some men believe they are entitled, if they've spent money on date.

            d) Others believe if woman is sexually active, she'll be willing with

               anyone, including him.

        6. Power trip

            a) Man is sexually aggressive to assert power and anger because of

               insecurity.

                1) Forcing sex on another makes them feel strong.

        7. Furnish students with handout Real Men Don't Rape.

IV. Ways To Avoid Date Rape Situations

    A. Examine your feelings about sex.

    B. Set sexual limits.

    C. Decide early if you would like to have sex.

    D. Don't give mixed messages; be clear.

        1. When you say "no," mean no. when you say "yes," mean yes.

    E. Be alert to unconscious messages you may be giving.

        1. Be aware of posture, clothing, tone of voice, gestures and eye contact.

    F. Be forceful and firm.

        1. Don't worry about being polite. if you don't like what he's doing let him know.

            a) Your silence may be interpreted as approval for him to continue.

            b) Men are not mind readers.

    G. Be independent and aware on your dates.

        1. Includes awareness of whom it is you're going out with. Try to get some background

           information in advance. Ask around about him.

    H. Don't do anything you don't want to just to avoid a scene or unpleasantness.

        1. Don't worry about hurting his feelings. Remember that he's ignoring yours.

    I. Be aware of specific situations in which you don't feel relaxed and in charge.

    J. If things start getting out of hand, protest loudly, leave, and go for help.

    K. Trust your gut-level feelings.

    L. Be aware that alcohol and drugs are often related to date rape.

        1. Discuss date rape drugs.

            a) Flunitrazepam (Rohypnol)

            b) Gamma hydroxybutric acid (GHB)

            c) Ketamine

        2. Never leave food and drinks unattended.

        3. Don't become intoxicated.

    M. Avoid falling for lines such as "if you loved me you would."

    N. If unsure of a new acquaintance, go on a group or double date.

    0. If possible, have your own transportation, or bus/taxi fare.

    P. Avoid secluded places where you are placed in a vulnerable positions.

    Q. Be careful inviting someone to your home, or when you're invited to his home.

        1. This includes giving personal information over the phone or Internet.

    R. Examine your attitudes about money and power.

    S. Think about the pros and cons of dating much older men.

    T. Socialize with people who share your values.

    U. Notify someone of where you are going, and whom you are going with.

        1. Tell students about new Internet service called Smart Date.

V. Danger Signs

    A. Watch out for men who exhibit these traits:

        1. Don't listen to you, ignore you, talk over or pretend not to hear you.

        2. Ignore your personal space boundaries.

        3. Express anger or aggression toward women.

            a) Hostile feelings may become hostile acts.

        4. Do what they want regardless of what you want.

        5. Try to make you feel guilty, or accuse you of being "uptight."

        6. Act excessively jealous or possessive.

        7. Have wrong or unrealistic ideas about women.

            a) "Women are meant to serve men."

        8. Drink heavily.

            a) Often get sexually aggressive, angry or violent if rejected.

VI. What To Do if Someone Tries To Force You Into Sexual Activity

    A. Stay calm and think.

        1. Figure out your options, and decide if resistance is safe.

    B. Say "no" strongly.

    C. Say something to the effect of "Stop it This is rape."

        1. May shock rapist into stopping.

    D. Assess the situation. Figure out if escape is possible.

    E. Look for an escape route.

    F. Act quickly, if possible.

    G. Ask yourself if it is safe to resist.

        1. Women who fight back initially, have a higher chance of avoiding successful

           completion of the assault, than women who plead or try to talk their way out.

    H. If the man is UNARMED:

        1. Fight back physically.

            a) As long as it is safe to do so. If resistance is dangerous, stop.

        2. Run away.

        3. Say you have to use bathroom, and leave.

        4. Shout "fire."

            a) If you shout "help," many people will tend to avoid getting involved in another

               persons problem. "Fire" will concern them and get a response.

        5. Use passive resistance.

            a) Vomit or feign illness.

        6. Use intimidation.

            a) Boyfriend is due home.

            b) Tell him you have VD or are HIV positive.

        7. Try to talk him out of it.

        8. Gain his confidence, so that he might let his guard down and you can escape.

        9. Try to get him to see you as an individual person.

            a) Make him aware that he’s hurting you.

    I. If the man is ARMED:

        1. Try to talk him out of it.

        2. Try passive resistance.

VII. What To Do If You Are Raped

    A. Go to a friends.

        1. You should not be alone.

        2. At the very least, you need emotional support.

    B. Get medical attention.

        1. Do not shower, douche, clean yourself or change clothes first.

    C. Report the attack to the police or school officials.

        1. Reporting does not mean you commit to filing Charges.

        2. Have someone go with you.

        3. The sooner the better.

        4. Keep in mind, that if he got away with it once, hell probably try again.

    D. Consider whether you want to file charges with the police.

        1. Chances of conviction with date rape are low; however, police and judges are more

           sympathetic than in the past.

    B. Get help and support, such as counseling.

        1. At the very least, call a rape or crisis hotline.

        2. Will help you come to terms with the rape faster, and will result in fewer lasting

           effects.

    F. Write a letter to the rapist.

           (May-June 1981 Howard Business Review). Later developed into a paper

      Bernice L. Sandler, Writing a letter to the Sexual Harasser: Another Way of

      Dealing with the Problem.

            a) Technique will work for rapists, too.

        2. Consists of three parts:

            a) Part I is factual account of what has happened.

            b) Part II describes how the writer feels about the events described in Part I.

                1) Shame, misery, distrust, anger, fear, revulsion, etc.

                2) "I feel Humiliated." "I was exploited."

            c) Part III tells what the writer wants to happen next.

        3. Send by registered or certified mail. Don't send copies to anyone else.

        4. Writing the letter can give victim sense of taking constructive action about

           situation.

   5. Furnish students with sample letter.

    G. Do not blame yourself

        2. Your behavior didn't cause the rape; the rapist caused the rape.

REVIEW:

In review, remember that we said date rape is forced, unwanted intercourse with a person you know. We learned what date rape was, and how it occurs. If you're thinking about dating a new person, be alert for those danger signs. Remember the tips we gave you for avoiding possible date rape Situations, and what to do if you are raped. Most Importantly though, always keep in mind that date rape is something you shouldn’t try to handle on your own. If you're a victim of date rape, get help. Talk to a close friend, call a rape crisis hotline, take some action to begin the healing process. There are people who want to help; all you have to do is ask.

PRACTICE:

I. Question and Answer Session

    A. What is the largest age group for rape victims?

    B. How does society "set up" women to be rape victims?

    C. Name some steps you can take to prevent your encountering a date rape situation.

    D. What are some things you should do if you are raped?

DOCUMENTATION AND/OR SOURCES:

Hughes, Jean O’Gorman, and Bernice R. Sandler. "Friends Raping Friends - Could It Happen To You?"

The Project on the Status and Education of Women, Association of American Colleges. 1987.

National Coalition Against Sexual Assault (http://www.ncasa.org).

Nishimoto, Derek. "Date Rape." School Resource Officer Lesson Plan Of The Month. Orlando: Corbin & Associates, 1998.

Partnership for a Drug-Free America (http://www.drugfreeamerica.com).

Sexual Assault Information Page (http://www.cs.utk.edu/saInfoPage.html/).

Smart Date (http://www.smartdate.com).

Speaking Out Against Rape (SOAR) (http://www.soar99.com)

Real men accept the responsibility to not harm another person.

• It is never OK to force yourself on a woman, even if

• she teases you.

• dresses provocatively or leads you on.

• she says "no" and you think she means "yes".

• you've had sex before with her.

• you've paid for her dinner or given her expensive gifts.

• you think women enjoy being forced to have sex or want to be persuaded.

• the woman is under the influence of alcohol or drugs.

• Rape is a crime of violence. It is motivated primarily by desire to control and dominate, rather than by sex. It is illegal.
• If you are getting a double message from a woman, speak up and clarify what she waits. If you find yourself in a situation with a woman who is unsure suggest talking about it
• Do not assume you know what your partner wants; check out your assumptions.
• Be sensitive to women who are unsure whether they want to have sex. If you put pressure on them, you may be forcing them.
• Do not assume you both want the same degree of intimacy. She may be interested in some sexual contact other than intercourse. There may be several kinds of sexual activity you agree to share.
• Stay in touch with your sexual desires. Ask yourself if you are really hearing what she wants. Do not let your desires control your actions.
• Communicate your sexual desires honestly and as early as possible.
• If you have any doubts about what your partner wants, STOP. ASK. CLARIFY.
• Your desires may be beyond your control, but your actions are within your control. Sexual excitement does not justify forced sex.
• Do not assume her desire for affection is the same as a desire for intercourse.
• Not having sex or not "scoring" does not mean you are not a "real man." It is OK not to "score."
• A woman who turns you down for sex is not necessarily rejecting you as a person; she is expressing her decision not to participate in a single act at that time.
• No one asks to be raped. No matter how a woman behaves, she does not deserve to have her body used in ways she does not want
• "No" means no. If you do not accept a woman's "no," you might risk raping someone whom you thought meant "yes."
• Taking sexual advantage of a person who is mentally or physically incapable of giving consent (for example, drunk) is rape. If a woman has had too much to drink and has passed out, or is not in control of herself, having sex with her is rape.
• The fact that you were intoxicated is not a legal defense to rape. You are responsible for your actions, whether you are sober or not.
• Be aware that a man's size and physical presence can be intimidating to a woman. Many victims report that the fear they felt based on the man's size and presence was the reason why they did not fight back or struggle.

Note: Men can be victims of rape and have the same rights to counseling and legal action as women do.

Sample Letter to Rapist

Dear John,

On November 23rd, you and I went to the movies and afterwards you invited me to your room to see your softball trophies. when you kissed me, I enjoyed it but then you started undressing me and when I asked you to stop, you didn’t. Then you forced me to have sex with you. I trusted you and you betrayed me. You ignored my protests and used me. I was so upset that I wasn't able to go to class the next day. I cried a lot, and I'm also having trouble sleeping. I think you are disgusting. I don’t ever want to go out with you again or even talk with you and I hope you never do this to anyone else.